Once upon a time... (OMG ERN HAVE YOU CAUGHT UP ON THAT SHOW YET? OMG)


I did take a picture of a, let's just say, fat man in a little car in a big hat.  I promise to one day draw for you, since the good Lord only knows where that pic is now.

That said, I hope I have further lowered the bar. Yeah, this post? It has no picture either. This blog? Started to share pictures of funny things we see. So now that you're really unsure what is going on, I'll begin.

In the middle.This is the beginning.

I was going to share stories of how dumb students are, but that's so old news, so I'll tell you about how dumb people are instead. Like... people. All of them? All of them.

I went to the eye doctor today. I've tried a couple of eye docs here since I moved here and I've been "....really....?" at every single one of them. The first made me stand in and among hanging ferns around the reception area for a solid span of time while the secretary talked on her cell phone. I kicked dead fronds on the floor while I waited. Then the creepy eye doctor was rude. Like, really rude and persistent about the state of my contact case. He kept saying things like, "I've NEVER seen a DIRTIER case in ALL MY YEARS."

I feel he was embellishing. It wasn't that bad. Right, so you get the point: Doc Anderson? NO MORE TOUZ EYES FOR YOU. BENCH.

Right so to the meat of this story - today's eye exam... I thought would be ... better. How many for-crap eye docs can BE in ONE town? So I get there ON TIME, right on time in fact, and no one greets me. They're busy, so I la-la-la at the desk for a bit. Then VINCE came over. Asked me if he could help. Told him I had a 5:00 appointment. AND HE says, "oh I'm sorry, there are 3 other people in front of you. You'll have to wait." *insert rant about appointments here* *include capsing about WHYMAKEAPPOINTMENTSIFYOURENOTGONNAHONORTHEM*

He hands me paper work and tells me to go wait around the corner. Cuz he has other customers and they're in the chairs. I'm almost quoting Vince. I should mention I went to the eye doc in Sam's? Sam's. Maybe that's where I went wrong. So I go around the corner, where I'm sitting in the TV's. Then CASSANDRA comes and gets me, and is all, "HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN WAITIN?" because apparently she got in trouble cuz I was sitting around the corner "for a good 20 mins". So then begins the debacle of me going by my middle name, not my first.

Dear Future Parents, 


Don't do that. First names first. Let's just scrap middle names. What's the point? WHAT IS THE POINT? 


Ta,
Touz

Then I meet the Doc (do you know the Orc that follows Merry and Pip into Fangorn Forest? And tries to eat their legs? Picture him, in nice old man version. IN MY FACE.). He was a nice old man, but Ern, he had hardware in his head. I'm sure he was sick or had surgery, but he was so old and had hardware. In his head. And it took him FOREEVER to turn the knobs and then to write the numbers OFF the knobs. WTF is going on. He was nice, I won't linger on the Doc.

Now I'm passed back to Vince (picture..William Shatner-esque) Who, while I was waiting for the Doc to write the numbers off the knobs, was standing outside the door - talking - nay, FLIRTING LOUDLY - with the next patient. He said to her, "Your husband cheated ON YOU? *WHEWWWWEEEE* She must have been STUNNING." *real quoting* So I follow Vince to the desk, where I try to just pay for the stuff and go. But he's trying to wheel and deal me contacts. Wheel and deal me a tv. A car. A house. NOT PLASTIC I PUT IN MY EYES.

I sat there, PATIENTLY, for 20 mintues while he talked to me. He told me about the woman he'd been flirting with. He talked about my name. He kept giving me HIGH FIVES every time he typed my name.

Dear People That Repeatedly High Five Customers That Are Just Trying To Leave,


Dont.


<3,
Touz

PS. Don't high five customers at all.

Then he saw my Disney credit card and told me his dad died at Disney so he got free tickets for life. As I left, he was still talking about my name and how Molly Red-Haired-80's chick played a character named like me and didn't I know that movie....?